Sorry Oppo...I just need a place to vent

"Tom McParland" (tommcparland)
03/08/2016 at 19:19 • Filed to: dadlopnik

Personal shit below (M1 because BMW birthday or something)

TL:DR living with in-laws is hard.

First, let me say that I am grateful for living with family while our new house gets built. It almost makes it worth not having to pay rent...almost.

So my father in law doesn’t quite understand that a 10 month old baby can’t eat the same foods as an adult. Tonight I’m making dinner and get gets some juice in a cup then brings it out to the living room where the baby is in the high-chair. I think “Oh, no big deal he helps himself to juice all the time.”(even though it is really for our toddler, but whatever the old man can drink all the juice he wants)

Now I hear from the other room “Oh you are gonna like this.” So I turn the corner and there he is handing a cup... not a sippy cup mind you...a fucking open tumbler cup. And it is full of straight up juice...we don’t even give our toddler straight juice. It’s too much sugar for him, so we do about a 1/4 cup and water the rest.

Anyway, my daughter, as expected, gulps down the juice and spills it all over herself. I say to my father-in-law “What’s she doing with that cup?”

He says, “Oh I was just giving her some juice.”

“She can’t have juice!”

- “Oh, I didn’t know”

This is the same man that tried to give her a chocolate donut a week ago, wanted to have her taste honey (a big no-no for kids less than a year old) last month, and attempted to put a piece of spicy italian sausage on her plate (normally not the end of the world, but fatty meats with casing is not the best for a kid with no teeth).

Oh...and here is the best one. When our son was 3 days old he says “So babies can’t have clam chowder right?....Even if it is cooled down?”

So I change my daughter and put her down for a nap. About a 1/2 hour later she wakes up crying and I go into the room. Then the smell hits me...she had a huge diarrhea explosion from...you guessed it...too much sugar! Is pop-pop gonna clean this up? Nope...he doesn’t change diapers (fine, he came from a generation of dads that didn’t do that)

The man has no concept of what children can and cannot eat. So I tell my wife he is not allowed to feed our kids unless he asks us first. She obviously doesn’t want the conflict because we live here for now...but given the history, I don’t think this is an unreasonable request.

Ok....I feel better, thanks for listening.

DISCUSSION (48)

TractorPillow > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:27

Feel for ya man. In laws are tough. How much longer you have to hang in there?

OPPOsaurus WRX > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:28

Sorry man that sucks. My first thought was thank god that’s not me. How long until the house is done and how dare you not hire me as your architect

Matt Nichelson > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:29

We all have people in our family who just don’t get it sometimes. That’s not a jab, I promise. Like you said, he comes from a different generation. Is it a situation where he would just get mad if you tried to reason with him?

My citroen won't start > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:32

Simple, whenever you make dinner/lunch or go to the kitchen bring back some baby food for your father in law and make him eat it.

For Sweden > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:32

My listening comes at the price of a question:

Is the age of cheap zero-money-down electric car leases to meet zero-emissions sales quotas over?

I’m thinking of leases like this: http://www.autoblog.com/2011/11/16/hon…

Steve in Manhattan > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:32

You are crawling on the edge of a razor blade.

You are a kite dancing in a hurricane, Mr. Bond.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:33

As the dad of an 8 month old, I hear ya. The ONLY thing I don’t want my kiddo exposed to is sugar...he can have all the chicken/veggies/bread/nuts/whatever, just no sugar.

Though we have had success with him drinking out of a regular glass, slowly and with supervision, of course.

Good luck. In-laws are rough, even when they're trying to do good.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:34

And this is why I tell myself I still have plenty of time to wait before even considering marriage.

Tom McParland > Matt Nichelson
03/08/2016 at 19:35

Oh yeah...he is just not with it. Not really his fault, I just gotta manage it.

zeontestpilot > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:35

Stuff happens. We spent 6 months living with my parents, which drove my wife insane because she’s a massive introvert. Two weeks with someone is too much, even her own family at times. So with my mom, who is generally outgoing....yeah...power clashes. Since I’m the family’s self-appointed negotiator, I sat everyone at the table and we talked it out. Nothing got resolved, but at least their feelings were communicated.

Like I said, stuff happens.

Tom McParland > For Sweden
03/08/2016 at 19:36

Good question...as gas stays cheap, I think you will still see brands like Chevy and Nissan stick with these heavily incentivised leases especially when the Model 3 drops.

kackel > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:38

The new Volt lease is shit...at least in PA it is.

Matt Nichelson > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:38

Fair enough. Some just aren’t. At the end of the day, it’s about making sure your little one is alright.

Tom McParland > OPPOsaurus WRX
03/08/2016 at 19:38

I had no idea you were an architect. That’s cool, we found a great lady who has done a lot of houses in the area and keeps the contractors in check.

We are going to close on the property soon. So we have anywhere from 9-12 months start to finish. :/

It will be worth it in the end.

Tom McParland > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro)
03/08/2016 at 19:39

My wife is fine...and she has to put up with her dad all day while I’m at work and take care of two young kids (her dad is worse than the kids).

Tom McParland > TractorPillow
03/08/2016 at 19:40

We will close on the property soon...so we are looking at 9-12 months start to finish. :/

Tom McParland > kackel
03/08/2016 at 19:41

I’ll be curious to see what Chevy does when the Model 3 comes out.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:45

I didn’t really mean it that way. The Girlfriend is awesome. Her parents, not so much.

shop-teacher > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:46

Ooffff, that is a real PITA. My dad is just about as clueless, but we don’t live with him ... And he’s also usually too busy thinking about himself to think about my kids. Hang in there for the next 14-16 months ;)

Gotta admit, the clam chowder thing made me laugh.

certified cool guy > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:46

what a story lol

Tom McParland > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro)
03/08/2016 at 19:46

Oh I gotcha... No worries. :)

Spaceball-Two > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:50

I’ve been there just his last weekend. It sucks man. Sorry to hear it.

My inlaws were “helping” feed our 7 month old. MIL was shoveling food into his face like he was on fire and FIL was jamming huge pieces of carrots in his mouth at the same time. So what happens. He chokes! So I wrap him on his back a little, out comes a carrot piece and calmly tell the inlaws to slow it down. My wife could tell I was seething but I played it off. Cooler heads Tom. Best of luck.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:51

In-laws... I feel for you. I really do.

But it is a catch-22. You are wise to keep your cool.

RallyWrench > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:52

Wow, man, I’m sorry to hear that and I feel for you and your wife. Also, the poor kid! I’ve had one sickness or another bouncing around the house between kids for the last few months so I sympathize.

As I was reading I felt like he had to be the kind of gramps of a certain generation who never did much actual parenting. Both my dad and father-in-law are great, but both stay the hell away from diapers or feeding, of their own accord.

JFC... clam effing chowder? I can’t even. It’s nice that you can live there, but I hope you have a little heart to heart without creating conflict. I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.

Battery Tender Unnecessary > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 19:52

About to get married and luckily I’m getting a preview of what to expect watching my future in-laws with my future brother-in-law’s kids. They were giving the 3 year old (at the time) a two pack of poptarts at 11pm because she “wanted them”, which is like 500+ calories and so much sugar I wouldn’t eat two in a sitting. The kids are spoiled rotten, and not in the “Aww, isn’t that cute the way she dotes on them” way...it’s the “oh no, she’s creating little monsters” way. They let the kids do what they want and I’ve never seen any form of discipline for bad behavior. The fiance is actually looking forward to moving away because of the toxic anxiety drenched atmosphere gerenated by her parents. She just finished grad school and says it’s like a fog has cleared and she can be happy when she’s with me (I’m super pragmatic with a healthy balance of optimism and realism, negativity is a pure waste of energy). I can already see I’m going to have to “re-write the rulebook” when it comes to child rearing when the time comes.

Tom McParland > Battery Tender Unnecessary
03/08/2016 at 19:57

Oh yeah...it’s been a battle with my 3 year old teaching him that he can’t have/do whatever be wants, but I’m determined not to have a bratty kid.

Jcarr > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:00

I feel you. I’ve noticed that my mom (who was a stay-at-home-mom) is much the same way. I guess the only solace we can take is that we’ll cause this kind of frustration for our own kids someday.

Jcarr > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:06

Hey Tom, random car buying question. As far used cars go, are ones that were former lease vehicles generally more or less desirable than a regularly owned car?

Seems to me that former leasers would be better because of mileage restrictions and an increased likelihood that regular maintenance has been done.

For Sweden > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:10

neat!

Tom McParland > Jcarr
03/08/2016 at 20:11

Depends on the car. Some leased luxury cars were not well maintained because the owner thought “I’m not paying $1000 for the 20k mile service, I’m giving it back next year.” So if you can see the maintenance history that is a big plus.

Tekamul > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:15

Now you know your wife’s a real survivor, if she made it to adulthood in his household.

Some dads from previous generations are clueless. My FiL had limited access to any of my kids before they could answer for themselves.

Tom McParland > Tekamul
03/08/2016 at 20:23

Oh man...totally right on the surivor thing. I didn’t mention the dude is a Vietnam vet with PTSD and a whole boatload of mental issues including alcoholism (thank God he is sober now, but he wasn’t when my wife was younger)

Jcarr > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:24

I’m looking at ‘13-’15 Fusions so maintenance costs were probably not too steep. Good point on the CarFaxes, I'll look closely at those.

Tom McParland > Jcarr
03/08/2016 at 20:27

In that case wouldn’t get too hung up on off-lease vs non-lease, but it may be worth paying the premium for a CPO.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:29

My grandad can’t even cook. Literally. He’s 83, and has either eaten meals cooked by my grandmother or at restaurants for almost 60 years. Now my grandma is spending a few weeks in rehab following a knee surgery, and my grandpa has filled the freezer with microwave meals like it’s the goddamn apocalypse.

As many people on here have said, it’s a different generation. I totally get your frustration.

Frenchlicker > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:31

There’s an upside for me, if I ever have children with my current girlfriend her father will not be allowed around them let alone feed them. Well, unless he is prepared to die that day that is.

Tom McParland > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
03/08/2016 at 20:32

At least he knows he can’t cook. My FIL thinks he can cook, but really doesn’t know how to anymore. Dude straight up murdered French Toast one morning. My son was like “This is yucky. I can’t eat it.” I felt bad that he said that out loud, but we were both thinking the same thing.

Rico > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:32

When I see people giving infants adult food, even soft foods, I cringe. Good thing you stopped him before he gave her more too bad about the poo though!

Tekamul > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:36

Wow.

I don’t think I’ve got any qualified advice for you, just ‘good luck.’

Tom McParland > Rico
03/08/2016 at 20:37

She is OK with adult food, but like you said...carefully

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:44

It’s always the in laws.

kackel > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 20:47

It will still be shit, and by that point it will likely have a sub 50% published residual for their most competitive term.

For reference, a $40000 Premier with both safety packages after discounting to invoice and not marking up the money factor is almost $600/month in PA. Either Chevy doesn’t give a shit about the Volt in their non-focus states, or they don’t care about it anywhere.

BJ > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 22:16

Like in most everything, being open and honest is the best bet. Let me try to suggest something that might work.

Write up a list of foods the child can and cannot eat. Add a list of suggested snacks and allowed “treats” to the list with quantities, like “Watered down juice: 1 per day”.

Post the list on the fridge and show your FIL. Let him know you were worried that there was some misunderstanding and that the list is there to help. (You might want the MIL to do this on your behalf.) Also remind him that children are sensitive to sweets and that, while it won’t kill them to have a bit of sugar, it makes diaper changes awful nasty...

You could even write up a schedule for the day with nap times & snack times. This may be helpful for the in-laws because then they’ll know what’s expected.

And don’t forget to say “thank you” when he helps!

Good luck.

The Compromiser > Tom McParland
03/08/2016 at 22:50

My father was afraid of my wife. He asked before he did anything. I knew all the no nos, so as long as I stayed away from the big ones, I got away with the little ones. And the bruises are almost gone now that the smallest is going to be six.

Maybe your wife needs to accidentally crush a foot or two when Grampa’s being old.

thebigbossyboss > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
03/09/2016 at 01:04

I recommend reading this. It somewhat reminds me of your grand dade

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and…

thebigbossyboss > Tom McParland
03/09/2016 at 01:05

Here tom, read this. You will feel better.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and…

Plus I mean hey, you could be like me....having to live on an air mattress for 2 months while you and your girlfriend get a place...lol.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Tom McParland
03/11/2016 at 10:52

I gave my one month old a taste of cake icing. Does this make me a bad parent? I figured it’s no big deal yet everyone hoped on my case about it.

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Tom McParland > Luc - The Acadian Oppo
03/11/2016 at 10:54

I don’t think so. A little taste here and there is probably ok. My daughter has had a taste of ice cream and other sweet stuff. I just don’t want my kids having a lot of sugar in one serving.